The First „Date“ – upgraded version

Part 1 – The right clothes for the first „date“

This was a question recently asked by a young woman on Facebook. A tough question, for sure. „Too much“ is more problematic than „really sloppy“.

At least it reminds me of the first time I met her more than 38 years ago.

I should perhaps admit that at the end of my student days I spent more time in the ‚Schanzenviertel‘ of Hamburg, on ‚Marktstraße‘ or in Altona than at the university or at a particle accelerator with a feminine name.

„Petra“, „Hera“, „Desy“ … physicists like to give their storage rings feminine names.

Heaven knows why.

I had just turned blond.

You have to be very careful when typing, because it’s easy to type ‚blind‘. But maybe I didn’t see myself that way. I also had red hair or streaks, quite horrible, sometimes a little gray, but as a „model“ student I never had to pay for the cut.

Only the natural coloring afterwards, which cost 4.00$.

I just wanted to say that I must have looked terrible. Except for all the black clothes I always wore, white shirts from the 50’s made of pure cotton, dyed deep black in the washing machine, black jeans, the braces, you guessed it, black, an old black jacket and a gray or black coat depending on the season.

Gray, I thought that was a little too bold, too colorful, so positive, not really my cup of tea. Blonde doesn’t seem so bad now that I think about it. The other physicists and mathematicians often wore a green parka, I just can’t adapt to those things. I would never have worn something like that, never.

Although the black is as much a uniform as the parka, but maybe I wasn’t aware of that in my twenties. But back to her, the ‚apparition‘ I was waiting for.

And she appeared in my favorite Hamburg café „Backwahn“ on Grindelallee, tall as always, slim as always, naturally blond, unkempt, no make-up, and wearing a light green short leather jacket, old, unfashionable jeans, probably from ‚C&A‘, a cheap shop, or her aunt, and a t-shirt that seemed to have witnessed the student riots of the 60s.

Of course, that didn’t do her justice, but I made a joke about the awful color of the jacket anyway, something about „pea purée with lots of milk,“ I think I said.

„That depends on what’s in it,“ she replied, smiling meaningfully at the green. You wouldn’t believe what a smile like that can do, and how much it can make visual impairments seem marginal.

Anyway, I spoke to her months later about that „first“ outfit that I never saw again, and she confessed:

„Oh, that was on purpose. If people like me in those clothes, then it could be something.“

I really liked that. The thought behind it, too.

It’s always better than setting off visual fireworks on a first date and then chasing them for a decade as a woman or a man.

I wasn’t blonde the next day either.

–

Part 2 – The right attitude for the first „date“

Well, at the time, Cafe Backwahn was my cafe, not hers. But it was close to her place of work and therefore harmless, because a short-term escape would have been easy and understandable. This is true for both me and her, a practical construction with no fuss.

One of my prejudices is that women like to „design“ the first date or a first meeting, for example a meal – too long, too many problems, who pays … not a good idea – a nice café, a pleasant atmosphere, nothing should disturb a budding relationship of any kind.

Preferably with the sun playing with her hair.

Every woman looks better in the sun than in the pouring rain. There are even some who go to the hairdresser first, but they all attach importance to a good choice of clothes, according to my other prejudice.

Exceptions prove the rule, see above. I still bet that many people try out several different outfits in front of the mirror at home.

Unfortunately, that only works in the movies.

In reality, the man has a toothache, talks without a period or comma to cover his insecurity or to make himself look like a big pike.

And so he can’t appreciate her efforts to look perfect, then he knocks over the coffee cup and her light-colored short dress gets a stain, and of course they never see each other again.

The setting was perfect.

But reality never is.

There is no such thing as a perfect setting, you should completely „invent“ the whole thing, that’s a bad idea. It’s also a „bad idea“ for a woman to meet a man „to talk“, it’s not possible. Women meet „to talk“, but only women, I think.

Disagreement is welcome here, but of course …. is wrong.

„Hey, Daniel, let’s meet to talk.“

Has a man ever said that to another man? „To talk“?

„To talk“ is a kind of „threat“ for every man, because problems could be rolled around.

Every woman should think three times before using this phrase with a man.

To a man, it sounds like when his mother used to say „I want to discuss something important with you, my son“.

If you were half a child, it was probably about sex education or contraception. All boys think that’s terrible, they know everything they need to know and if they want to know something more, it’s really the last thing they want to hear from „mummy“.

Because mom is always late, always.

Here’s an example for a first „date“.

A woman can do this to a man:

„I have to do the shopping, can you come with me, then a coffee somewhere? That’s all the time I have.“

Then you go to the supermarket and talk about baking powder for brushing your teeth, or whether meat salad is better than chicken salad. The man is hardly interested, but at least he can relax or generously get her the dishwasher salt.

If he doesn’t know his way around such a market, please stay away from him, he has been spoiled too much by mom and her successors.

The supermarket plan is not risk-free for women either; nothing is without risk.

For example, asking about all the additives at the salad bar or checking the ingredients on every package may scare off down-to-earth men who are familiar with toxins. This is not a judgment on my part, just a risk assessment of the sample plan.

Every exit is possible, the coffee can be very short, but it can also be longer if she can’t carry the groceries alone. There are women who deliberately buy so much that they can’t carry it home.

That’s a different kind of plan, but it’s not a movie setting.

You can’t do it without a plan. And not without risk.

–
„peace, tranquility and good will“